Wolf Moon

[ticktockgrin]

The world hadn't actually ended, it just seemed like it. Dwayne has to keep telling himself that sometimes, between long nights at the radio, on his endless rounds of the yard perimeter and all the hundred little things that their new home (for now) required to keep running. The world was running on duct tape, spit, and baling wire, limping along, but it *was* still turning.

They'd come pretty damn close, but it wasn't quite over. They were the ones left and that meant they had a lot of work to do.

And maybe most importantly...Josh had officially Survived.

It was hard to believe how many weeks has gone by, but he'd *lived*. Some days were still a little shaky, but the traces of fever were completely gone. The wolf had won, and Dwayne's desperate last-ditch Hail Mary had actually *worked*. Somehow, that made everything right, when he could roll over and watch his mate asleep, warm and well and *alive*.

Now all that was left was for him to get used to the Change, to figure out what kind of wolf he was going to be. There was no going back, but it had saved Josh's life, kept Dwayne from having to go through this hellish epilogue of a world alone, and that alone was worth it... Even if he had any doubts at all that Josh could handle the Change. There would be some acclimatization, some trial and error... That was why Zach was keeping his distance and Rhys spending nights in the little caretaker's cabin... But it would pass.

Josh would have a mate, and a pack, and he would get used to it, given a little time. Dwayne was sure of that, even though the approaching full moon gave him nerves. The first change could be tough, and Josh... He was still recovering.

So Dwayne did all he could to keep things running.

Comments

[tinkermoose]

Josh had survived and was showing all indications that he would, eventually, thrive, despite the overwhelming horror of their situation, and how iffy even his survival had been there for a while. He's still shaky sometimes, yes, and absolutely mortified over the handful of times that he's caught himself snapping at some unfamiliar scent or unexpected sound or, worse, snarling at Rhys, to the point where it's safer for Rhys to spend nights at the caretaker's cottage out on the grounds and for Zach to stay completely away. And it was absolutely clear how essential the latter was on the occasions Josh caught the older wolf's scent on the air and it sent him stalking restlessly from room to room, hackles up, until Dwayne came back and he could bury his nose in his mate's neck and center himself again. It's getting better, he knows, but it's embarrassing and frustrating and he feels bad for Dwayne's, for their packmates, being relegated to the outskirts and the desolation beyond their little refuge because of him.

Today, unsurprisingly, is not a good day, not with the full moon so close, it's pull singing unfamiliarly in his blood, and he keeps close to Dwayne. Keeps his focus within the safety of these four walls, where his and Dwayne's scent mingle in every room, and Rhys's is familiar and welcome. He's nervous, but he's not letting himself be frightened, not after everything he's gone through to get here, how much Dwayne and Rhys and even Zach have gone through to help him. It'll be fine, he's got a pack and a mate and Dwayne's example to follow, and it's going to be a grand adventure, dammit, not the nightmare he knows Zach's first shift was.

None of which stops him from pausing to press his nose into Dwayne's neck with a low rumble as he curls his fingers into his mate's shirt. "You won't let me hurt anyone, right?" he asks, even though he knows it's a stupid question, because of course Dwayne would never let that happen.

[ticktockgrin]

It's a lot to adjust to, and Dwayne's own experiences aren't exactly great, on the topic of the first weeks of the change. Aaron had kept him in chains until his first shift, completely isolated and away from unfamiliar scents and stimuli, and it had still been a little concrete slice of hell.

He can't imagine it's much easier here, with Josh's new wolf-brain trying to sort out threat and friend, completely unfamiliar territory and his whole world pulled out from under him. So Dwayne stays close, and is very much relieved at Rhys's patience with the whole thing, and Zach's willingness to do the long-distance work they desperately need. A mellow, submissive bird shifter wasn't a threat on any level, but another predator, especially an aggressive one with a dominant personality... That would take time to settle out.

So the house, and just them, and the little scattered bits of the others to get Josh used to the idea of them as a pack. Places that are everyone's and places that are just theirs, and proof that all of it is safe, once his new wolf settles comfortably into his skin.

And of course, plenty of time with his mate, barely ever out of arm's reach just in case. It's hard, even leaving Josh to sleep or run short patrols on the yard, and even when he does he's back within just a few minutes. Never knowing when the younger man is going to need him, like now, to put his arm around him and keep him steady. "Lots of room up here," he says with a nod. "And you've got my strain, not Zach's." Dwayne had gone after his brother after his first change, but to be fair, he was pretty entitled on that one. "Everything goes right, it'll take you a little while to get sorted out, then I'll change once you know you're okay, and we can go running."

He plants a brief kiss at Josh's temple, taking in the scent of his hair. His mate, the way he's always smelled, but the new musk is starting to come through, the first threads of wolf-scent, and Dwayne's own wolf can't help but perk in pride. (Kind of an asshole sort of pride if Dwayne is fair with himself, even with the desperate circumstances, but still pride). "How're you feeling?"

[tinkermoose]

He settles palpably at Dwayne's arm around him, the brief press of his lips to his skin. The one thing he knows, is absolutely sure of bone deep, is that Dwayne is no threat to him, and he's no threat in return. There's nothing but comfort in his touch or his scent, and no matter how wound up he might get at some new scent or unexpected sound, all it takes is Dwayne's presence to settle him. If he goes after Dwayne once he shifts it certainly won't be in violence.

That doesn't protect anyone else, though, not with the way he's been reacting to the awareness of their presence, and given how much bigger and stronger he is than even Dwayne, let alone Rhys with his wiry grace, it's a valid concern. But hearing Dwayne's repeated assurance that it won't be like it was for Zach helps. Zach had been changed by a rabid monster, maybe something inherently off in the strain he'd passed on, given how Zach still struggles for control. Josh isn't going to have to deal with that, or with turning for the first... or second or third time alone and confused and Packless. For all that their lives have been turned completely upside down he has every drop of safety and stability that Dwayne and the others can give him, and he's so damn grateful to them it almost chokes him sometimes.

"Itchy," he confesses. "Restless." He presses the words into the side of Dwayne's neck. "Nervous and worried and excited," he adds all in a rush. "And like my skin doesn't quite fit right." Like it wants to stretch over a new shape of muscle and bone that's just waiting within him for its chance.

[ticktockgrin]

It was as much a gamble to Dwayne, not having turned someone before, but in those first weeks, he hadn't been inclined took attack Aaron, either- at least, not just out of raw reflex. The brotherly bond along with the pack bond has kept things peaceful until his brother's poison had eroded even that natural protection.

It's a relief to know that he's got that kind of hold over Josh, for the time being. He would never exploit it, and it means that he can keep him safe no matter what the younger man's wolf decides is going on. If this had happened sooner in their relationship, he'd have had his doubts, but as they are now? He's pretty sure they're okay.

"I think we need to save it up before the full moon, like building momentum." He toys lightly with Josh's shaggy hair. "Especially with your first change."

And not only is Rhys smart and alert, but he can also *fly*, and change nearly instantly, which puts him in an excellent position to avoid trouble and still keep an eye on things. No matter how big and strong a wolf Josh is, he's still not going thirty feet up an oak, and that's reassuring.

"There's still some witches' brew in the cooler if you want to take the edge off it, but probably better if you can manage without. So far, you seem to be pretty on track overall." He peers down with a wry smile.

[tinkermoose]

There's never been even a moment when Josh worried that Dwayne might exploit his hold over him, when he's been anything but grateful for it. For the almost soul deep conviction that even if he can't control himself, he's almost certain that Dwayne will be able to control him. For all that he's never been a man to need or want to give control of his life over to someone else, this makes him feel safe and comforted.

"Is it always like that?" he asks, tipping his head a little in pleasure at the feel of Dwayne's fingers in his hair, at how much more it feels now than it had when he was human. He'd known his vision, scent and hearing would be augmented, but he'd never realized that something as simple as the whisper of a touch could carry so much information or be so profoundly comforting. "I don't need it." He shifts a little so he can mouth at Dwayne's jaw instead of pressing his face into his neck, hands splayed wide, one over his broad back and the other at his chest. Feeling his heart beat in time with the steady, reassuring pulse of it in Josh's ears. "So long as you're here I'm fine."

[ticktockgrin]

As much as he'd liked some of the people in Grimm, this was what they had, this was the core of them: the ones that are left, but also the ones that they can rely on for their lives. It's a reason to go on, as hard as it is at times, and a comfort when things are quiet and it almost feels like home.

He's got a job to do and while he's never really been an alpha, he is now, by default. And it's actually not so bad, though he'd never push it beyond what he's already got. It's not the control he likes: it's just knowing at the end of the day that everyone's okay and he didn't screw up.

Okay, so he doesn't exactly aim high but he thinks he isn't doing too badly overall.

"I'm not sure if it gets easier or you just get used to it, but it does get easier." Josh settles against him and Dwayne relaxes too, feeling that tension ease. "At least part of it is probably nerves, too. Once you know how it all goes... and the good parts of it, not just the parts that are rough...it gets better." Yes it's got it's pitfalls and headaches, but after ten years, Dwayne's counted up the pros and cons and overall, he's still pretty sure he came out ahead.

"Long as you're okay. We'll make something to eat in a bit, you're going to need the extra energy." Josh's breath brushes his beard and he grins, running slow, soothing circles on his mate's back. "And just before the moon, you'll always get itchy. There's ways to keep from changing every month, but it sucks. I've managed it three times in ten years and it's my life goal to never have to do it again because it's miserable."

[tinkermoose]

"Good," he murmurs, settling in against Dwayne more firmly. Josh still loves this: that he can curl in against Dwayne and, even though he's significantly bigger, Dwayne's big enough that, sometimes, when he needs to, he can feel small and sheltered against him.

"I've wondered what it would be like for ages, being able to shift and run with you," he admits quietly. He smooths his hand over Dwayne's chest and breathes in, slow and deep, relaxing against him. "Think I would've asked you for this, some day. It's still scary, but it's exciting too."

[ticktockgrin]

"I think the choice makes all the difference," Dwayne agrees sleepily. Josh is bigger, but he doesn't always feel like it, and after everything, he feels a little fragile. If Aaron had given Dwayne the choice? Well, he still wouldn't have taken it, but trust was also an issue.

In a little more time, Dwayne could have offered, and it would have worked. This wasn't what they're wanted, but it was enough. "I think it all works out, that's the important thing," he says. "I think it all would have anyway, but... It worked this way, too, and that's what matters." He likes to think about that perfect life sometimes, retired in a nice house in the Caymans, running or ATVing in the dunes and watching the sun set over the beach with frilly drinks and steals on the grill.

But they have this instead, and it's not bad... It's just going to take some work, and adjusting, and a lot of leaning on each other. "You should at least try and jog a little today if you can manage, too, get some stretching in." Josh's muscles are changing even though he hasn't shifted yet, and the exercise is good for shaking off the nerves. He doesn't move, though: it's just a note. For later. "But I think you're gonna be a great wolf. We'll get through the first change, let you have a while to get used to it, and then you can have a chance for the *good* that comes out of... this whole mess."

[tinkermoose]

"We're together and we're alive," he murmurs. "Only thing that matters." He hates the thought but much as he loves Rhys and respects Zach, so long as he has Dwayne he could survive without them, too. This, right here, is all he absolutely has to have to make it, though he'll do absolutely anything he can to keep the others safe. He can already feel the idea of their little pack settling into next to the idea of Dwayne as his alpha, even though he knows he's still not actually safe to be around Zach, and still has to watch himself around Rhys. But that'll pass, he's sure of that, and until it does he has Dwayne.

"I will," he promises, and doesn't move either, because Dwayne obviously doesn't mean now. Instead he shifts his head a little so he can lip at Dwayne's jaw, follow it up with some gentle nibbling as he listens to Dwayne's voice, lets it sink deep into his bones and settle him in a way nothing's ever been able to. "Already got the good out of it, though," he adds, and his grin is impish, though mostly lost with his mouth still pressed to Dwayne's stubbled jaw. "I got you."

Two Days Later...

[ticktockgrin]

Of all that he could be worried about, it was strange that the biggest reassurance Dwayne had on the night of the full moon was that the weather was cooperating. Maybe he was feeling like it was an omen, or maybe he was just relieved that he wasn't going to have to work around nature going awry, too.

But the morning had been clear, breezy, and a little chilly, and a little bit of cold was far from the worst conditions to deal with. They could do a shift in bad weather, but a calm, pleasant night was a lot more pleasant.

He wanted tonight to be pleasant. No disasters and no panic. They'd had good conversations leading up to it and everything seemed good, but that flutter of worry was still there, because this was the night where they'd find out for sure how Josh was going to deal with his new condition.

Rhys had already given him two vials, with quiet explanations. One red vial in case Josh couldn't finish the change on his own, because getting stuck halfway through the shift was dangerous.

The other vial, the gray vial, was in case Josh couldn't control the wolf. With Dwayne there it wouldn't be a problem, but for the crow shifter's sake... It was better to be safe. And for Josh's, because Dwayne knew Josh would never forgive himself if the change got rough.

To much to worry about, and Dwayne was being a fussy old Wolf. He sighed and looked at his own pale eyes in the mirror, inspected his beard for signs of impending gray, and slipped out to the bedroom. Sweatpants and a t-shirt for tonight: turning from a human into a 200-pound wolf wasn't very wardrobe-friendly, not was trying to get those clothes back on in the morning.

[tinkermoose]

Josh had been pacing restlessly off and on all day, growling at shadows and barely suppressing the urge to snap when the wind shifted and brought strange scents his way. He could feel something under his skin and sparking along tendon and bone, stretching at the wrong side of his skin, unfamiliar and strange and vaguely disconcerting, for all understood exactly what it was and what was to come. Dwayne's presence has been infinitely comforting and settling, though, and when he padded back into the room Josh turned immediately towards him, ducking down to press his nose into the hollow of his throat, drawing in the scent of Mate and Pack and Alpha.

"It's gonna be soon, isn't it?" he murmured, big hands settling at Dwayne's hips, clenching and unclenching once before stilling. "Can feel it, like being stretched."

[ticktockgrin]

Dwayne nods, letting Josh use him as a touchstone. His own wolf is restless, watching and waiting, but years of experience has taught it patience, and it's quietly biding its time until the sun goes down and it gets free reign for the night.

"Part of it's nerves. After the first time, it gets a little better, but the first few times, you're pretty wound up. Not knowing what to expect makes it worse," he murmurs, fingertips trailing soothingly through the younger man's hair. "The longer you can put it off, the faster it goes, though. Once you're used to it, you have more flexibility, you can change when you feel like it." It's kind of unsettling how much shapeshifting is like childbirth, complete with learning how to breathe and push, but Dwayne...really tries not to use that comparison if he can help it. It's not something you want to lose momentum in the middle of, either, though. Best just to wait until you're good and ready, then get through it fast, and that he has explained to Josh.

He's pretty sure that he's got it. And just in case, he has remedies and options. He's an alpha (how the hell that happened, he's still not sure...) and he can handle this, and Rhys is nearby just in case. They've got this.

Dwayne chuckles, low and deep in his chest. "Of course, with my luck it'll be like us in the mornings. I'll want to sleep a little longer and you'll be up and ready to run before the sun's even down."

[tinkermoose]

"Yeah," he agrees, voice going low and rough as he leans into Dwayne's fingers in his hair. Every touch is soothing and grounding, but there's no getting around the fact that, no matter how many times he's seen Dwayne and Zach, and Rhys in his way, however different, go through this, he's nervous as hell at experiencing it himself for the first time. It's not even the pain that worries him, he's not a fan of pain, but he's used to it and he knows that this pain is survivable; he's seen it too often to think otherwise. What worries him is the fundamental lack of control, of his body and mind and reactions, involved. The fear that, no matter how well prepared he is, no matter how much he trusts Dwayne to keep him in line, he'll lose it. End up like Zach was for so long, and still is sometimes. Wild and angry and almost feral. That Dwayne will have to fight him... and if he does, that he might lose.

He doesn't let him think about it, though. Pushes it to the back of his mind and lets Dwayne's solid, welcome, beloved presence ground him, and takes comfort from the fact that it seems to do as much for the wolf he can feel stirring inside him as it always has for the man he thinks he mostly still is. He laughs along with Dwayne and rubs his nose at the hollow between his mate's collar bones before pressing a kiss there and then drawing away a little. "Can't help it if I've got all the energy of youth, old man," he teases, grinning. "Just be glad you've got me to keep you young or who knows how fat and lazy you'd get." Except, of course, even before the world had gone to hell he couldn't picture Dwayne ever being anything but strong and fit and vital, and not just because he's a werewolf.